Hodgepodge

I have struggled with a title for this post due to there are so many areas that God has recently spoken to me on. I have struggled with the question of why did this happen to me? God, why did you allow this to happen?

I have been blessed 7 days later having more knowledge than when it first happened and going, oh now I understand. Hindsight is 20/20, right? So let me share with you the last 7 days of our lives but first, a little background.

Since May 2008, Grey has struggled with some issues of discipline and acting out in class but by November things had calmed down and it appeared we were on the home stretch. Coming January 2009, Grey would be moved up to the older 2s class and we thought that would be wonderful.

On January 2, Grey visited a psychologist and we spoke with the doctor regarding Grey's behavior and his tendencies. He threw out that Grey was showing signs of ADHD, OCD, and ODD. Well, I read and read and read about it. Then Grey started the new class and well, it was a doozy of a week. Rick spent his two days off that week visiting the school and monitoring Grey. Every day we got a phone call.

The second week appeared to be going better with no phone call on Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday, the phone call came and a teacher had quit over the incident. At the time, I had no details. So I went to pick up Grey and brought him home. Within an hour or so I received a phone call from the director and was told that Grey could not return to daycare. However, there was availability in September for the 3K class. I explained thank you but no thank you.

I really felt like I was going to go over the edge. I prayed and asked God why would this happen? I already felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders by trying to make ends meet and the extra that we need for various things. In addition, dealing with daycare issues that we felt were not totally Grey's fault. So now to throw everything out of whack and have to redo everything in my life. Why?

Well, here is the answer. Now, as of last Wednesday I was $273 short for the month and we were $100 short for Venus' surgery that she needs. Well, with the expense of daycare gone. We actually covered the shortage in both areas and dramatically lowered our budget for February. We did look for a new daycare but no openings until June locally and our psychologist suggested we keep Grey at home.

So hindsight is 20/20 and here are some things I've learned over the past week. I had to come up with a new schedule to work and although it is set times throughout the day or early morning, I have actually found I am more productive and am hitting our monetary goal each day with no problem.

Second, I have developed a strong Mtn Dew drinking problem and have discovered that I am drinking less here with Grey at the house. Mainly due to the fact that there is no time with him around.

Thirdly, I am not as stressed about finances or life in general. Grant it, it is stressful trying to entertain a very energetic boy all day long but we're having fun.

My counselor said last week the day this happened that she had prayed that Grey not be harmed emotionally and that God would protect him from this. Amazingly, Grey's behavior was different at school each day compared to home and church. He has not acted out at all at the new church we are attending. Of course, there are one or two meltdowns at home but I can, usually, easily identify the triggers and make adjustments if necessary.

I am currently reading The Yada Yada series and the main character in the book is Jodi. A woman who plans everything, kind of reserved in her relationship with God, and has the tendency to figure it out on her own and then talk to God. Through the storyline Jodi's relationship with God changes. Her eyes are opened a little more and she realizes that she should speak with God first and then act.

I'll readily admit I have the same issues. I am a "let's get it together" and then the after thought is now God what do I do? So through this series and life, I have begun to pray as a situation occurs and then try to intensely listen to what God is trying to tell me. I also think I have been quite reserved in my relationship with God and that is changing daily. I am more upfront with God (not that He doesn't already know) but just plainly talking with him and sometimes seeing the bigger picture makes all the sense.

So yes, the daycare may be a little calmer and Grey may take the blame BUT I know my son and I love him. He did not need to be there. Rick and I had talked on many occasions about pulling him but financially didn't think we could. However, God helped me see that it was possible and unfortunately it took my hand being forced. Yes, things are quite lively at home and it is an adjustment for all of us including our girls (dogs) with him home all the time.

I wouldn't change it for the world. Grey is a wonderful, outgoing, energetic boy who is trying to find out who he is and where he fits. How blessed that I get to help him on that path. In the midst of this, it is actually benefiting me and who knew?

On a spiritual side, I think this is spiritual warfare with our son and family. Our pastor has recently spoken about Satan tries to steal your joy especially when you are obedient. I strongly believe this. I believe that we are trying to take care of our son and do not blame God for this situation. I question God and yet somehow know deep inside that all is going to be okay. God is going to work this out for all of us: Grey, Rick and myself. So it is very important that I continue to praise God throughout this situation or any situation for that matter.

I believe we can still feel angry, hurt, disappointed, and all the other natural feelings but it is so important for us not to let those eat us up and harbor them. Once we do that, that is when Satan can manifest himself and cause destruction.

We've been singing a song called "More than Enough" at church and it is a very powerful song. It talks about God is more than enough. About why should we worry about the ups and downs when we know our faith is what keep us going. Whew, it just makes me want to get up to dance just typing the lyrics because it ignites within the excitement I have about God.

So, what are you holding onto that you shouldn't?