Hodgepodge

I have struggled with a title for this post due to there are so many areas that God has recently spoken to me on. I have struggled with the question of why did this happen to me? God, why did you allow this to happen?

I have been blessed 7 days later having more knowledge than when it first happened and going, oh now I understand. Hindsight is 20/20, right? So let me share with you the last 7 days of our lives but first, a little background.

Since May 2008, Grey has struggled with some issues of discipline and acting out in class but by November things had calmed down and it appeared we were on the home stretch. Coming January 2009, Grey would be moved up to the older 2s class and we thought that would be wonderful.

On January 2, Grey visited a psychologist and we spoke with the doctor regarding Grey's behavior and his tendencies. He threw out that Grey was showing signs of ADHD, OCD, and ODD. Well, I read and read and read about it. Then Grey started the new class and well, it was a doozy of a week. Rick spent his two days off that week visiting the school and monitoring Grey. Every day we got a phone call.

The second week appeared to be going better with no phone call on Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday, the phone call came and a teacher had quit over the incident. At the time, I had no details. So I went to pick up Grey and brought him home. Within an hour or so I received a phone call from the director and was told that Grey could not return to daycare. However, there was availability in September for the 3K class. I explained thank you but no thank you.

I really felt like I was going to go over the edge. I prayed and asked God why would this happen? I already felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders by trying to make ends meet and the extra that we need for various things. In addition, dealing with daycare issues that we felt were not totally Grey's fault. So now to throw everything out of whack and have to redo everything in my life. Why?

Well, here is the answer. Now, as of last Wednesday I was $273 short for the month and we were $100 short for Venus' surgery that she needs. Well, with the expense of daycare gone. We actually covered the shortage in both areas and dramatically lowered our budget for February. We did look for a new daycare but no openings until June locally and our psychologist suggested we keep Grey at home.

So hindsight is 20/20 and here are some things I've learned over the past week. I had to come up with a new schedule to work and although it is set times throughout the day or early morning, I have actually found I am more productive and am hitting our monetary goal each day with no problem.

Second, I have developed a strong Mtn Dew drinking problem and have discovered that I am drinking less here with Grey at the house. Mainly due to the fact that there is no time with him around.

Thirdly, I am not as stressed about finances or life in general. Grant it, it is stressful trying to entertain a very energetic boy all day long but we're having fun.

My counselor said last week the day this happened that she had prayed that Grey not be harmed emotionally and that God would protect him from this. Amazingly, Grey's behavior was different at school each day compared to home and church. He has not acted out at all at the new church we are attending. Of course, there are one or two meltdowns at home but I can, usually, easily identify the triggers and make adjustments if necessary.

I am currently reading The Yada Yada series and the main character in the book is Jodi. A woman who plans everything, kind of reserved in her relationship with God, and has the tendency to figure it out on her own and then talk to God. Through the storyline Jodi's relationship with God changes. Her eyes are opened a little more and she realizes that she should speak with God first and then act.

I'll readily admit I have the same issues. I am a "let's get it together" and then the after thought is now God what do I do? So through this series and life, I have begun to pray as a situation occurs and then try to intensely listen to what God is trying to tell me. I also think I have been quite reserved in my relationship with God and that is changing daily. I am more upfront with God (not that He doesn't already know) but just plainly talking with him and sometimes seeing the bigger picture makes all the sense.

So yes, the daycare may be a little calmer and Grey may take the blame BUT I know my son and I love him. He did not need to be there. Rick and I had talked on many occasions about pulling him but financially didn't think we could. However, God helped me see that it was possible and unfortunately it took my hand being forced. Yes, things are quite lively at home and it is an adjustment for all of us including our girls (dogs) with him home all the time.

I wouldn't change it for the world. Grey is a wonderful, outgoing, energetic boy who is trying to find out who he is and where he fits. How blessed that I get to help him on that path. In the midst of this, it is actually benefiting me and who knew?

On a spiritual side, I think this is spiritual warfare with our son and family. Our pastor has recently spoken about Satan tries to steal your joy especially when you are obedient. I strongly believe this. I believe that we are trying to take care of our son and do not blame God for this situation. I question God and yet somehow know deep inside that all is going to be okay. God is going to work this out for all of us: Grey, Rick and myself. So it is very important that I continue to praise God throughout this situation or any situation for that matter.

I believe we can still feel angry, hurt, disappointed, and all the other natural feelings but it is so important for us not to let those eat us up and harbor them. Once we do that, that is when Satan can manifest himself and cause destruction.

We've been singing a song called "More than Enough" at church and it is a very powerful song. It talks about God is more than enough. About why should we worry about the ups and downs when we know our faith is what keep us going. Whew, it just makes me want to get up to dance just typing the lyrics because it ignites within the excitement I have about God.

So, what are you holding onto that you shouldn't?

Our Paths Crossed....

I'm just a janitor, what difference do I make?
I'm just a retail clerk, what difference do I make?
I'm just an accountant, what difference do I make?
I'm just a secretary, what difference do I make?
I'm just a transcriptionist, what difference do I make?

I have always struggled with being just in an administrative role but when placed in management roles, I have felt uncomfortable and uneasy. I have quite a bit of education and wondered what difference I could make.

Well, as I approach my year celebration of working from home, I recently realized that being a transcriptionist takes on a whole new meaning. As a transcriptionist typing is necessary but it involves the skill of hearing intensely to type verbatim, and research skills for the terms I do not know but for me, there is something deeper and God has revealed this to me over the last couple of weeks.

I transcribe many things from patient reports, corporate earning calls, doctor/patient interviews, teleseminars, and the list is endless but what I have found is that my walk with God is changing. I'm touched by the stories that are being told and I'm transcribing from a child's wellness visit to the individual who has just learned they have cancer which is not curable.

This past week has been quite difficult and I have sat literally crying trying to pull it together to finish typing a report. Yet, in the midst of all these stories, I have found that I am praying for those on the other end. No, I do not know them and they do not know me but I say a prayer for them. Some I have found that I remember them day to day and weeks later. When I remember, I say a prayer. I may not know their name but what I have profoundly been struck by is that God knows who I am talking about.

God knows each and every one of us by name. He knew us before we were born. How many times have we heard that growing up in church? Too many to count in my lifetime but truly understanding it has been a revelation and a gift from God in my life.

So your job does not make a differnce you say? Well, I beg to differ.

God uses the janitor who is working may notice someone looks sad and if a Christian, prays for that individual that day.

God uses the retail clerk who receives a lashing from a customer to take time and say a prayer for that customer that day.

God uses the accountant who is doing taxes or an audit takes the time to pray over the business and/or individual(s) they are working with.

God uses the secretary who interacts with all during the day, to pray for each she/he comes in contact with.

God uses me, a transcriptionist, who works in the comfort of her home to say a prayer for those on the other end and continuously, praying without ceasing, for each of them He has laid on my heart.

So you think your job, your day to day activities, your roles, your life does not matter?

God uses you. God uses you.

Really, take time to read those words and let them sink in. God uses you.

What a powerful God we have and how humbled I am that He uses me.

What have you asked for lately?

An old 80s song "What have you done for me lately?" has been the one liner in my head since watching Facing the Giants last Friday night. I know, I know, not the most "spiritual" song but when you look at it as "What have you asked for lately?" as a question from God it takes a new meaning. How did I get there you asked? Well, I'm glad you did.

In watching Facing the Giants, it reminded me how big God is. Sometimes I do not think we, as human beings, truly understand that. So, in watching the football team make it to the state championship, the football coach receiving a new truck, and being blessed after 3 miscarriages to have a baby. Whew, what can God not do? Well, I've yet to find an answer to that question.

At the end of Facing the Giants there is a saying "With God all things are possible." As I watched the movie end, I began to think of all the things that are facing the Youngkins' going into the new year more specifically myself and I thought maybe I should write about this, how things are possible but I chose not to.

So, after attending church yesterday morning, the pastor's message was about setting goals for the 2009 year and to be honest, I'm not a big one on New Year's resolutions because most are not followed through but yet throughout the sermon I could hear "What have you not asked me for?" At the end of the sermon, we were asked to focus on what God was speaking to our hearts and to make a commitment to it for the 2009 year.

I know God has moved in my life as well as my family's the past few years but I think I have been most in tune with it this past year. Let me just share a recap of our year and I almost can't wait until the end to tell you about this upcoming year.

In January, I was working a full-time very stressful job. We lost our cat, Tagg, at the end of January. February was hectic with my work and even more stressful. In March I lost my job and felt the most peace I have ever felt on that particular day. The next day I hit the ground running to make transcription a career.

April brought my nephew, Bryant, into the world. May was kind of quiet but quite busy and entering June was a whirlwind. In June, we made a trip to see my husband's grandfather in Atlanta and then his grandfather passed. So we got things together to go to Phoenix and in the midst of getting ready, our son was getting sick. While in Phoenix we ended up twice in the doctor's office and in pediatrics ER when we got back. Grey was sick for almost 30 days with a horrible gastroenteritis virus.

Things settled down and then August came. Monet, our youngest dog, became sick and required an ER visit and stayed on drugs for the next few months. September was a great but very busy month as well as October.

As holidays approached, we were quite blessed and on November 18th, we had our third loss for the year, our beloved Monet. The death of Monet was not only hard for us but explaining to our son and transitioning our other three dogs with the lost of their companion.

December came Christmas and our first Christmas without Tagg or Monet but Santa's first visit to the Youngkin household. After Christmas, came another issue with our oldest dog, Venus. Back in August we had noticed a lump and decided to wait on it because Monet needed care, well, now the lump had grown and we took her in. It is cancerous and will require surgery for removal. After that we will know the extent of cancer and how to proceed.

So to say, 2008 was a hard year. Yes it was but not as bad as it could be and in each one of these situations, God has provided for us either emotionally or financially.

To be honest, I cannot recall specifically asking God to move in any of those situations and watching Facing the Giants and hearing the sermon this past weekend moved me. I felt God pointing out to me all the these things from 2008 that He had done for me, for my family, and I haven't even asked and then I heard it as clear as I'm typing this blog.

Why haven't you asked me? If you think I'm so great and you tell others about me, why haven't you asked?

I have felt stumped about that the last few days because I talk about how God has provided and how you can trust Him. Yet, in my own walk, I have not asked him for specific things.

So publicly here are a few things I'm asking for this year. I know God is BIG and He is faithful as He has shown over the past year but I'm so excited about this year because I'm placing things in His hands specifically to see what great work He will do.

So in all this, please do not take away that I am some special person that deserves all this because I do not. I ask for forgiveness daily just like anyone else and God has made me one of His own and I am totally indebted to Him for that.

I would pose to you................................What have you asked God for lately?