Babies, babies, babies

I didn't even realize how long it has been since I last posted. So instead of catching up on almost two years worth of life, I'll just start from here and move on. I have just finished my fourth gift baby blanket. I still have quite a few more to go and have gotten in touch with our local crisis pregnancy center to make some things for them as well. Oh well, back to the blanket. I followed the basics of the pattern found here . I made it wider on the foundation row than originally called for and used two colors instead of two. I also did 3 rows of hdc for the edging. I believe this is what caused the ripple but either way it turned out nice.

For now, that's all folks. Until the next time...happy crocheting.....

Laughter

You ever have one of those stories where you want to share but you know that people are going to think you are crazy. However, it is so funny that you just know other people will laugh.

For those who know me and my life, I ABSOLUTELY hate bugs. My least favorite are cockroaches. Even worse are flying cockroaches. Now, I can squash a spider, fly, bee, etc. without so much of a pause but killing a flying cockroach is horribly frightening for me.

Well, this morning (please note you will now need to sit down and have a potty break before continuing to read) I went into the bathroom to finish getting ready by drying my hair. I noticed a cockroach crawling on the window sill in the bathroom. I stopped and Grey says, "Mommy, what's wrong?" I just point to the bug.

Grey's first reaction is to call Robbie to come kill it. I explain to Grey that Robbie is at work and he cannot leave work to come kill a cockroach. So I ask Grey to get me a shoe and he brings it to me.

During this time, the cockroach is trying to crawl down the window sill edge, realizing that he will not be able to hold. So he crawls back up the window sill. Grey asks me to kill it again and I explain how I cannot kill a cockroach at the top of the window sill.

I also inform Grey that he should probably move away from the door because if the cockroach flies towards me, I am going to scream like a little girl and run. Grey says, "Okay."

I am now standing in the bathroom about 2 feet away from the door and sure enough, the cockroach flies right towards me. I scream and run and I hear Grey screaming. After I compose myself, I start laughing and Grey has started to cry because he is scared. He informs me that this is not funny. I let him know that I am not laughing at him yet I am laughing me because I screamed like a little girl.

I then go to get the spray that Robbie so graciously purchased for us. It makes them run for their lives. So Grey is on the other side of the bathroom and I'm standing away from the bathroom and cannot see the cockroach. The cockroach is now on the edge of the door frame entering the bathroom. Grey is beginning to tear up.

I tell him, "We can do this, Grey. Mommy is going to kill him." Grey holds out his hand and I walk swiftly towards him and see where the cockroach is. I then spray the cockroach and he flies away.

Needless to say, the cockroach has not been seen since but just in case, I fixed my hair in the living room without a mirror as well as Grey brushed his teeth in the kitchen this morning.

Afterwards, Grey said, "Mommy, you screamed like a girl." I said, "I am a girl and mommy does not like flying cockroaches."

Now that you are rolling with laughter....I hope you have a wonderful Friday :)

Hodgepodge

I have struggled with a title for this post due to there are so many areas that God has recently spoken to me on. I have struggled with the question of why did this happen to me? God, why did you allow this to happen?

I have been blessed 7 days later having more knowledge than when it first happened and going, oh now I understand. Hindsight is 20/20, right? So let me share with you the last 7 days of our lives but first, a little background.

Since May 2008, Grey has struggled with some issues of discipline and acting out in class but by November things had calmed down and it appeared we were on the home stretch. Coming January 2009, Grey would be moved up to the older 2s class and we thought that would be wonderful.

On January 2, Grey visited a psychologist and we spoke with the doctor regarding Grey's behavior and his tendencies. He threw out that Grey was showing signs of ADHD, OCD, and ODD. Well, I read and read and read about it. Then Grey started the new class and well, it was a doozy of a week. Rick spent his two days off that week visiting the school and monitoring Grey. Every day we got a phone call.

The second week appeared to be going better with no phone call on Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday, the phone call came and a teacher had quit over the incident. At the time, I had no details. So I went to pick up Grey and brought him home. Within an hour or so I received a phone call from the director and was told that Grey could not return to daycare. However, there was availability in September for the 3K class. I explained thank you but no thank you.

I really felt like I was going to go over the edge. I prayed and asked God why would this happen? I already felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders by trying to make ends meet and the extra that we need for various things. In addition, dealing with daycare issues that we felt were not totally Grey's fault. So now to throw everything out of whack and have to redo everything in my life. Why?

Well, here is the answer. Now, as of last Wednesday I was $273 short for the month and we were $100 short for Venus' surgery that she needs. Well, with the expense of daycare gone. We actually covered the shortage in both areas and dramatically lowered our budget for February. We did look for a new daycare but no openings until June locally and our psychologist suggested we keep Grey at home.

So hindsight is 20/20 and here are some things I've learned over the past week. I had to come up with a new schedule to work and although it is set times throughout the day or early morning, I have actually found I am more productive and am hitting our monetary goal each day with no problem.

Second, I have developed a strong Mtn Dew drinking problem and have discovered that I am drinking less here with Grey at the house. Mainly due to the fact that there is no time with him around.

Thirdly, I am not as stressed about finances or life in general. Grant it, it is stressful trying to entertain a very energetic boy all day long but we're having fun.

My counselor said last week the day this happened that she had prayed that Grey not be harmed emotionally and that God would protect him from this. Amazingly, Grey's behavior was different at school each day compared to home and church. He has not acted out at all at the new church we are attending. Of course, there are one or two meltdowns at home but I can, usually, easily identify the triggers and make adjustments if necessary.

I am currently reading The Yada Yada series and the main character in the book is Jodi. A woman who plans everything, kind of reserved in her relationship with God, and has the tendency to figure it out on her own and then talk to God. Through the storyline Jodi's relationship with God changes. Her eyes are opened a little more and she realizes that she should speak with God first and then act.

I'll readily admit I have the same issues. I am a "let's get it together" and then the after thought is now God what do I do? So through this series and life, I have begun to pray as a situation occurs and then try to intensely listen to what God is trying to tell me. I also think I have been quite reserved in my relationship with God and that is changing daily. I am more upfront with God (not that He doesn't already know) but just plainly talking with him and sometimes seeing the bigger picture makes all the sense.

So yes, the daycare may be a little calmer and Grey may take the blame BUT I know my son and I love him. He did not need to be there. Rick and I had talked on many occasions about pulling him but financially didn't think we could. However, God helped me see that it was possible and unfortunately it took my hand being forced. Yes, things are quite lively at home and it is an adjustment for all of us including our girls (dogs) with him home all the time.

I wouldn't change it for the world. Grey is a wonderful, outgoing, energetic boy who is trying to find out who he is and where he fits. How blessed that I get to help him on that path. In the midst of this, it is actually benefiting me and who knew?

On a spiritual side, I think this is spiritual warfare with our son and family. Our pastor has recently spoken about Satan tries to steal your joy especially when you are obedient. I strongly believe this. I believe that we are trying to take care of our son and do not blame God for this situation. I question God and yet somehow know deep inside that all is going to be okay. God is going to work this out for all of us: Grey, Rick and myself. So it is very important that I continue to praise God throughout this situation or any situation for that matter.

I believe we can still feel angry, hurt, disappointed, and all the other natural feelings but it is so important for us not to let those eat us up and harbor them. Once we do that, that is when Satan can manifest himself and cause destruction.

We've been singing a song called "More than Enough" at church and it is a very powerful song. It talks about God is more than enough. About why should we worry about the ups and downs when we know our faith is what keep us going. Whew, it just makes me want to get up to dance just typing the lyrics because it ignites within the excitement I have about God.

So, what are you holding onto that you shouldn't?

Our Paths Crossed....

I'm just a janitor, what difference do I make?
I'm just a retail clerk, what difference do I make?
I'm just an accountant, what difference do I make?
I'm just a secretary, what difference do I make?
I'm just a transcriptionist, what difference do I make?

I have always struggled with being just in an administrative role but when placed in management roles, I have felt uncomfortable and uneasy. I have quite a bit of education and wondered what difference I could make.

Well, as I approach my year celebration of working from home, I recently realized that being a transcriptionist takes on a whole new meaning. As a transcriptionist typing is necessary but it involves the skill of hearing intensely to type verbatim, and research skills for the terms I do not know but for me, there is something deeper and God has revealed this to me over the last couple of weeks.

I transcribe many things from patient reports, corporate earning calls, doctor/patient interviews, teleseminars, and the list is endless but what I have found is that my walk with God is changing. I'm touched by the stories that are being told and I'm transcribing from a child's wellness visit to the individual who has just learned they have cancer which is not curable.

This past week has been quite difficult and I have sat literally crying trying to pull it together to finish typing a report. Yet, in the midst of all these stories, I have found that I am praying for those on the other end. No, I do not know them and they do not know me but I say a prayer for them. Some I have found that I remember them day to day and weeks later. When I remember, I say a prayer. I may not know their name but what I have profoundly been struck by is that God knows who I am talking about.

God knows each and every one of us by name. He knew us before we were born. How many times have we heard that growing up in church? Too many to count in my lifetime but truly understanding it has been a revelation and a gift from God in my life.

So your job does not make a differnce you say? Well, I beg to differ.

God uses the janitor who is working may notice someone looks sad and if a Christian, prays for that individual that day.

God uses the retail clerk who receives a lashing from a customer to take time and say a prayer for that customer that day.

God uses the accountant who is doing taxes or an audit takes the time to pray over the business and/or individual(s) they are working with.

God uses the secretary who interacts with all during the day, to pray for each she/he comes in contact with.

God uses me, a transcriptionist, who works in the comfort of her home to say a prayer for those on the other end and continuously, praying without ceasing, for each of them He has laid on my heart.

So you think your job, your day to day activities, your roles, your life does not matter?

God uses you. God uses you.

Really, take time to read those words and let them sink in. God uses you.

What a powerful God we have and how humbled I am that He uses me.

What have you asked for lately?

An old 80s song "What have you done for me lately?" has been the one liner in my head since watching Facing the Giants last Friday night. I know, I know, not the most "spiritual" song but when you look at it as "What have you asked for lately?" as a question from God it takes a new meaning. How did I get there you asked? Well, I'm glad you did.

In watching Facing the Giants, it reminded me how big God is. Sometimes I do not think we, as human beings, truly understand that. So, in watching the football team make it to the state championship, the football coach receiving a new truck, and being blessed after 3 miscarriages to have a baby. Whew, what can God not do? Well, I've yet to find an answer to that question.

At the end of Facing the Giants there is a saying "With God all things are possible." As I watched the movie end, I began to think of all the things that are facing the Youngkins' going into the new year more specifically myself and I thought maybe I should write about this, how things are possible but I chose not to.

So, after attending church yesterday morning, the pastor's message was about setting goals for the 2009 year and to be honest, I'm not a big one on New Year's resolutions because most are not followed through but yet throughout the sermon I could hear "What have you not asked me for?" At the end of the sermon, we were asked to focus on what God was speaking to our hearts and to make a commitment to it for the 2009 year.

I know God has moved in my life as well as my family's the past few years but I think I have been most in tune with it this past year. Let me just share a recap of our year and I almost can't wait until the end to tell you about this upcoming year.

In January, I was working a full-time very stressful job. We lost our cat, Tagg, at the end of January. February was hectic with my work and even more stressful. In March I lost my job and felt the most peace I have ever felt on that particular day. The next day I hit the ground running to make transcription a career.

April brought my nephew, Bryant, into the world. May was kind of quiet but quite busy and entering June was a whirlwind. In June, we made a trip to see my husband's grandfather in Atlanta and then his grandfather passed. So we got things together to go to Phoenix and in the midst of getting ready, our son was getting sick. While in Phoenix we ended up twice in the doctor's office and in pediatrics ER when we got back. Grey was sick for almost 30 days with a horrible gastroenteritis virus.

Things settled down and then August came. Monet, our youngest dog, became sick and required an ER visit and stayed on drugs for the next few months. September was a great but very busy month as well as October.

As holidays approached, we were quite blessed and on November 18th, we had our third loss for the year, our beloved Monet. The death of Monet was not only hard for us but explaining to our son and transitioning our other three dogs with the lost of their companion.

December came Christmas and our first Christmas without Tagg or Monet but Santa's first visit to the Youngkin household. After Christmas, came another issue with our oldest dog, Venus. Back in August we had noticed a lump and decided to wait on it because Monet needed care, well, now the lump had grown and we took her in. It is cancerous and will require surgery for removal. After that we will know the extent of cancer and how to proceed.

So to say, 2008 was a hard year. Yes it was but not as bad as it could be and in each one of these situations, God has provided for us either emotionally or financially.

To be honest, I cannot recall specifically asking God to move in any of those situations and watching Facing the Giants and hearing the sermon this past weekend moved me. I felt God pointing out to me all the these things from 2008 that He had done for me, for my family, and I haven't even asked and then I heard it as clear as I'm typing this blog.

Why haven't you asked me? If you think I'm so great and you tell others about me, why haven't you asked?

I have felt stumped about that the last few days because I talk about how God has provided and how you can trust Him. Yet, in my own walk, I have not asked him for specific things.

So publicly here are a few things I'm asking for this year. I know God is BIG and He is faithful as He has shown over the past year but I'm so excited about this year because I'm placing things in His hands specifically to see what great work He will do.

So in all this, please do not take away that I am some special person that deserves all this because I do not. I ask for forgiveness daily just like anyone else and God has made me one of His own and I am totally indebted to Him for that.

I would pose to you................................What have you asked God for lately?

I Need A Break

First let me say, "Happy Thanksgiving" from our family to yours.

Today, I learned a lesson in the most unique way and I'd like to share it with you. My mom lives about 20 minutes away from us. We went to her house for Thanksgiving today.

With my mom and stepdad lives my sister, age 20, and her son, Bryant, who is 7 months old. It is a constant saying heard in the house from my sister, "I need a break." Well, don't we all. Each time she says this, I'll be honest my blood pressure boils and I think to myself, "So what, don't all moms need a break? Why should she be so lucky to have one on a consistent basis?"

Well, on my drive home tonight God spoke to my heart and I heard, "What if I took a break?" WHOA, hold on. My first reaction was God can't take a break, He is God. Then I heard it again, "What if I took a break? Just think about it."

So I did and what a powerful thought if God got so tired that He just wanted a break for 24 hours. Could you imagine what would happen? If God is in control and decided one day He wanted a break. I cannot begin to fathom how the world would operate without God in control. Would things be worse with the economy? How would it affect Christians?

Would God actually ignore us for 24 hours?

My first response is my heart aches. I began to have tears build up because I could not imagine God not being there. I do not want to imagine a world without God. In some of my circumstances, He has truly been the sole reason why I've held on.

Now, before I go on, please let me make it clear.....as a mom I am in no way saying we should not have a break. In general, we need a break. For even God rested on the 7th day as stated in Genesis.

This thought provoked deeper thinking within me and reminded me of all the times I just needed some time. Of course, I want a lot more than 24 hours of rest. By the time I arrived at my home, I felt so humbled and thankful that God loves me enough to not take a break. He LOVES me enough to say I am with you every year, every month, every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

No breaks. No timeouts. Just with you.

That is truly powerful. As a human, I cannot honestly say that I have not been there for each person in my life 24/7 whether a family member or friend. I have taken time off and/or separated myself from them. So within my heart something stirred and I felt a little more empathetic towards my sister.

God helped me to realize that in that moment maybe my sister asking for a break is her way of asking for help. A single parent with wonderful family support but maybe not enough. Maybe this break allows her to rest up and recooperate to continue on her journey as a mom.

Should I question that help or her motive?

The answer is no. I should not take a break on her. I should listen with a heart like God to that request and be there not to criticize or belittle her but to say okay, what can I do to help? Regardless if I get the break or not.

I am still in awe of this lesson and humbled that God allowed my heart to be open and receive something from Him.

Per the words of Brandon Heath, let this be our prayer to God today......

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten

May God open your heart and speak to you.

Melissa

A Heart of Thanks

You know you hear this at this particular time of the year and all that comes to my mind is blah, blah, blah, blah. However, I've discovered a new book series recommended by my mom, Yada Yada Group and finished the first one this weekend.

In this book, a group of 12 women from every kind of background are brought together in a prayer group at a women's conference. Without giving away the story (because I'm hoping you'll read it), it talks about thanking God when we pray. We should always take the time give God thanks.

Amazingly enough, this past Sunday, I visited a new church with my family and the message talked a little about thanks. It talked about thanking God for everything regardless of our circumstance.

I'll be quite honest this past week or actually the last few have been quite tough on our family. Rick has been working a lot of hours at work due to being short-staffed. Grey is all boy, 2.5 years old and his behavior is reflecting those characteristics. I'm working 12 - 15 hour days to help us on our DR plan and dealing with Grey. Of course, Rick and I talk throughout the day and at the end of my day to discuss what is going on. Rick tries to step in as much as possible but it is difficult when you work from 9 am to midnight.

On top of this, a week ago today, we had to put one of our companions down. Monet was the youngest of four. She was the talker in our family, Grey's favorite, and the most animated dog I have ever met. Rick happened to be off last week and boy, was I thankful. We made the decision together and were there during her final moments.

So this past week, as I continue to grieve, had to explain to a 2.5 year old that one of our dogs was gone, questionable behavior and Rick informing me that he has to work 7 days this week. Well, it is definitely quite easy to say, God this is not fair and why? Why? Why? Woe is me.

Instead what I found myself doing is being more thankful when I'm in the car and with Rick. I've let him know by saying thank you that he has gotten up to go to work. I don't say these things for credit because it is not about that. It is about being thankful for what God has truly blessed us with not just at Thanksgiving but all year.

God provided us extra money this month and we thought we would spend it on Christmas gifts. Instead we took care of Monet and did a very humantiarian gesture in her final moments. Rick had time off and had other plans. Instead he was needed here at home.

God blessed us to be able to pay our delinquent childcare bill this month and we enter December with a credit. The first time since Grey has been at daycare we have a credit and we are current since I lost my job this past March.

God has provided me with a family who is helping out with Grey and preparing a Thanksgiving meal. He has allowed us to have and keep our necessities during this difficult economic turmoil our country is facing.

The list is endless.

My challenge to you is that you thank God. Regardless of circumstance and I truly mean regardless, thank God first from your heart and your perspective on how to deal with things will be changed. Things do not seem as stressful and there is truly light at the end of the tunnel.

So, have you truly thanked God lately?